The State Grew A Pair!

K's social worker emailed me this today;

"My boss really wants to get this case moving forward.  We will not be resending paperwork to <family member>.  If she would like to get a private home study she is welcome to do so.  I will let you know once we have a selection committee date.  As always let me know if you have questions."

So this is good news - yeah? I mean, she didn't get her paperwork turned in on time and was missing half of it. The State paid for her homestudy and she blew it. Now they are telling her that they paid for it once and gave her a chance, next one is on her. 

I have corresponded via email with this family member and I know that she doesn't have the $$ to pay for a homestudy. She is on a very low, fixed income. I am interested to see what is going to happen between now and the selection committee date. My best guess - all things considered - is she won't have a private homestudy completed in the next month and therefore won't be considered for selection.

Hopefully there won't be another adoption update until our meeting with the social worker in a couple weeks.

Betas In...

At 13 DPO = 87.8
At 15 DPO = 214.14
Doubling time of 36 hours!

I start Lovenox tonight and go in for another blood draw on August 5th.  If the numbers are still doing well then we will schedule an u/s at that point.

And just for comparison sake my last pregnancy my first 2 betas were 12 and 32. And it was something very similar to that for my first IVF (I think 18 and 40). So these numbers are much higher than my "usual".

Damn Relative. And Betas.

I just got a very cryptic email from Baby K's social worker that says "Finally heard from the relative last week. Need to talk to my boss about it.".  Great. That means she is still interested and we are going to have to compete against her for adoption. That just makes me crazy. Why are they giving her so many chances after she has already fucked up? We have 5 really great things about us and she has 1 huge thing.  So are our 5 great things going to outweigh her huge thing... being a blood relative? Either way I just want the roller coaster to be over. I can't wait for that committee next month, so at least we will know.  Maybe Baby K could be happy with her Grandma? I have to tell myself that or I am going to cry myself to sleep every night for the next 17.5 years.  I already feel like she is my daughter. This foster care thing is cruel.

I went in for beta #2 this morning. My clinic has a weird policy that they won't give you the results of beta #1 until after beta #2 numbers come back so they can ensure they double and they don't get your hopes up.  I guess that is kind of a good thing, but I already freakin' know I am pregnant. Part of me feels like screaming at them "ITS MY DAMN BLOOD, GIVE ME MY NUMBERS", but then my mom's voice pops into my head and I control myself (which is hard to do with all these hormones, I might add). I will update with numbers if they call before I leave work this afternoon. I already know my numbers will be doubled...they always are from #1-#2 and usually #3.  Its after that everything takes a dive and I miscarry.

Well, the infertile is pregnant again.

That's right. IVF worked the first, second, and now third time. I obviously don't have issues getting pregnant but my body doesn't want to stay pregnant. I am 4 weeks pregnant today and every time I miscarry its between weeks 6 and 8.  So far I haven't had any major issues. Some strange brown spotting that I have never had before, but no cramping or weird feelings. I wonder if having surgery to completely remove my tubes and taking blood thinning injections again will finally solve the problem? I am actually really low key about everything this time. My second beta is tomorrow and I should know if my numbers doubled by tomorrow afternoon. I think the prospect of being able to adopt Baby K makes me feel more at ease with never having a biological child.  Sure, I'd love to have a cute little boy that looks like Big K running around the house, but I am ok if it doesn't happen.  I know that someday we will be able to adopt from foster care and complete our family. I just hope that day is near!

I just want to be a mom. Baby K is fitting right in with our family and to her, I AM mom, which is an amazing feeling. We haven't heard anything from the social worker in awhile. The out-of-state relative supposedly has stopped responding to the workers attempts at contacting her. They are going to hold a committee in mid-August to pick a permanent family for K. It will be our homestudy vs. two others (chosen at random I guess). I would think that since we already have her in our home and she is doing great it would be a no-brainer. But then again, I am not sure how this stuff all works and if the relative decides to throw their hat in at the last minute that could change everything (they prefer to place kids with their birth families).  The TPR trial is set for mid-September. The workers fully expect rights to be terminated but they also expect the family to appeal which could drag out the adoption process another 6 months to a year.  So at the earliest we can adopt her is October (if no appeal and we get picked to be her perm family). That's kind of exciting! But the prospect of having it drag out for another year is not-so-exciting.

Other than that I got nuttin'. Big K works from 4p to 11p tonight and I get home around 330pm so I won't get to see him at all today. Maybe 10 minutes in passing. Then it's Baby K and I hanging out until bed time. Maybe we will go to the Y and take a dip in the pool? They said no exercise until my u/s... but that's not really exercise.. right? :)

It's Either Therapy Or This.

Well, I finally gave in. I needed a safe place to vent/laugh/cuss/ramble/invent/bitch/moan and now I have it. My very own blog. Wow. Time to go figure out how this all works...