I just got a very cryptic email from Baby K's social worker that says "Finally heard from the relative last week. Need to talk to my boss about it.". Great. That means she is still interested and we are going to have to compete against her for adoption. That just makes me crazy. Why are they giving her so many chances after she has already fucked up? We have 5 really great things about us and she has 1 huge thing. So are our 5 great things going to outweigh her huge thing... being a blood relative? Either way I just want the roller coaster to be over. I can't wait for that committee next month, so at least we will know. Maybe Baby K could be happy with her Grandma? I have to tell myself that or I am going to cry myself to sleep every night for the next 17.5 years. I already feel like she is my daughter. This foster care thing is cruel.
I went in for beta #2 this morning. My clinic has a weird policy that they won't give you the results of beta #1 until after beta #2 numbers come back so they can ensure they double and they don't get your hopes up. I guess that is kind of a good thing, but I already freakin' know I am pregnant. Part of me feels like screaming at them "ITS MY DAMN BLOOD, GIVE ME MY NUMBERS", but then my mom's voice pops into my head and I control myself (which is hard to do with all these hormones, I might add). I will update with numbers if they call before I leave work this afternoon. I already know my numbers will be doubled...they always are from #1-#2 and usually #3. Its after that everything takes a dive and I miscarry.
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