Goodbye Baby B. :(

We lost Baby B on Wednesday morning. This is my 6th loss. I was at work, it happened in the bathroom stall. It was terrible. I went into the hospital to meet my OB immediately and they did an ultrasound to confirm that Baby B was gone. I am in shock because just the day before I had seen Baby B on an ultrasound, waving its arm with a good heartbeat. I know the sac still didn't look good and it was measuring a little too far behind, but some part of me still had hope. My OB cancelled the MFM appointment and is going to monitor me himself going forward. I feel good with that.

As if last Wednesday Baby A still alive and looks fine. I should be around 12 weeks on Monday based on our IVF timing. I keep forgetting to ask what Baby A is measuring, but he always tells me there is "appropriate growth". I am back on bed rest (again) and go in on Monday morning (tomorrow) to get another look at Baby A and see how things are going. For now the bleeding has stopped. I have some brown spotting, but that is to be expected. I am no longer having cramps and I still feel the full range of pregnancy symptoms. To my surprise my food aversions and morning sickness have not decreased. I know that's a good sign so we are remaining hopeful.

Thank you for your thoughts and support throughout this rollercoaster. It means a lot to me to know that I have so many wonderful friends. I hope that one day I am able to repay all of you for the kindness and support you have shown me.

Goodbye, sweet Baby B. You will be missed. <3

Update

Sorry I have been MIA. I was put on bed rest a few weeks ago because I started bleeding (hemorraging) in a gas station bathroom on my way to a family reunion. I got to ride in an ambulance. Not as fun as you'd think.

So after 2 weeks of bedrest and 2 ultrasounds, we still don't really have an update on Baby B. Basically it looks bad. Not a healthy sac, no definable yolk sac, placenta abruption, measuring too far behind.. yet it still has a strong heartbeat. Baby A looks perfect and was moving around on the last ultrasound. So our next step is another ultrasound tomorrow morning to see if B is still around. If he/she is, then we have to head to the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist to find out what our next step is to protect Baby A and give him/her the best chance. The doctor is convinced that B isn't going to make it and his concern is that B will hang on a little too long and then take A out with it. I'm not sure what to think at this point. Just kinda numb about it all. I'll update tomorrow.

Twins!

Had my u/s this morning and it's twins! Big K and I are very excited, but very nervous to possibly have the blessing of 3 kids under the age of 2. I am terrified, but I know that life doesn't give you more than you can handle.  But the morning sickness is almost unbearable. Hopefully it ends after the first trimester! :)

Baby A is perfect with a hb of 126. Baby B is measuring a week behind and the doc said it could go either way with that one but it also had a hb of 126. Will go back in 2 weeks to see if baby B is still around. Here is a pic, you can see how much smaller the sac is for baby B (on the left) compared to baby A (larger sac on right).

Here is Baby A, measuring perfectly with a heartbeat of 126, all snuggled down in the very corner of my uterus;

And here is Baby B with the same heart rate as Baby A, but measuring a week behind. The doctor said it could go either way but as you can see the sac and baby are much smaller;

She Is Ours!

I am in shock. We went for what we thought was a routine social worker visit this afternoon and we got the news of a lifetime! Grandma is out. Completely denied and will not be considered for adopting baby K!

So now, instead of holding a committee to select her family, the social workers and guardian ad litem have decided that they are going to let the judge terminate parental rights next month as planned and then they only have to wait one more month and they can just automatically pick us.  Apparently since rights will be terminated, no family members are trying (or allowed to try) for custody, and she will have been in our home for 6 months, they don't have to hold a selection committee. Wow. I know the ink isn't dry yet, but the social worker told us that it was a done deal!

She is so beautiful and so sweet. She is perfectly healthy and on target developmentally. She has no health issues. She loves us and we love her. How did we get so lucky? We took a huge chance being foster parents and this has been a roller coaster, but it paid off. It just doesn't seem real yet. We aren't officially announcing until after rights are terminated and we have the official notice that we have been chosen.  But, I can finally stop guarding my heart. What an amazing feeling!

My 3rd and Final Beta Is...

8dp5dt - 87.8
10dp5d - 214.14
20dp5dt - 6487 !!!

Betabase is down, but I used another site and the doubling time is almost exactly 48 hours. I know that it tends to slow down after a certain point so this is really good news! I'll take it! Wow.... on Monday I will be the most pregnant I have ever been. And before this the highest beta I ever had was in the 300's. Is this for real?  First u/s is in 10 days. It's going to be a long wait!
And just for some fun, here is some Alexander Skarsgard to help bring in the weekend... I need to lay off the True Blood episodes. Mmmm mmmm. Yummy!

After 4 Pregnancies with the SOB (Same OB)

... he is finally savvy to my tricks. I called to get an ultrasound next week when I'd be in the middle of my 6th week and he called me back and said that he "knows" my RE's office does an u/s around 7 or 8 weeks and that I need to tough it out and wait until then. I protested and said "what if its another ectopic?", his reply was ... "Yeah, right.. an ectopic with no tubes. That doesn't make sense. Just wait it out." And then he had his nurse offer me a Snickers bar if I behaved and wait until 9 weeks to see him for an u/s. Damn it. He totally has my number. I love Snickers. And honestly, I love my OB and value his opinion. So I will wait. Impatiently. *sigh*

Going to Plan B - getting the RE to do an u/s next week instead of 2/3 weeks from now. I may have to stoop to low levels for this one. Stay tuned...

ETA: Denied at the RE's office too. So it looks liike my first u/s will be in week 7 and my 2nd u/s will be in week 9.  Damn it. 2 or 2.5 more weeks to wait. I wonder if they'll give me a Snickers too? Bastards.

Oh - legal update! Baby K's mom was found guilty on all charges yesterday and received a prison sentence. I can't get into details, but trust me... if you knew what happened you'd be celebrating as much as we are. Baby K is one step closer to a better life!

(My love for Snickers was evident, even as a small child)

I Jinxed Myself

I pulled a total FH move today. And in the process, I likely jinxed myself, my pregnancy and my sanity all in one mouse click. I purchased a doppler. I had to! It called out to me! And I got it for $25! It's a Sonoline B Fetal Doppler 3mhz. Brand new and free shipping. How could I not do it? If this pregnancy doesn't work out, I can give it to one of my deserving friends right? So it won't go to waste. There, I feel better already.

Things seem to be going well. No sign of spotting or cramping, just a dull ache. Usually by 5 weeks I am cramping and my boobs no longer hurt and pregnancy tests start to fade. Then the full-on bleeding starts at 5.5 or 6 weeks. Since I am 5 weeks today and I still feel "pregnant" and I POAS this morning just for fun and it was super dark instantly... I am taking all those as good signs. Plus, my nipples feel like they are on fire and the sides of my boobs feel like someone is jabbing me with a hard object. As any girl with IF or RPL can relate... these are all welcome symptoms!

My RE won't do an u/s until I am 8 or 9 weeks, so of course I took it upon myself to contact my OB today to tell him I am KU again and ask for an u/s next week sometime when I am 6w2d, 3d, or 4d. I am not sure he will be able to do that in such short notice, but at least I tried.

Other than that... I got nuttin'. Seriously uneventful since last week. Should have a beta update on Friday and an adoption update on Monday (a week from today) after our visit with the social worker. Toodles!